So, of course I bought this the moment I saw it. It's anime girls doing mixed martial arts in their underwear. It looked goofy and ridiculous and I thought "How badly can they screw this up?". Well, the answer is - Super overwhelmingly agonizingly badly. Everything is wrong with this game. It's horrible. It's putrid.
First off, the anime girls. This is clearly just some free or very cheap asset pack from the Unity Store because the character models are the same as that horrible Hentai Shop Simulator game I covered before. They look okay-ish. Sort of. They're all in their underwear, and they all got big ta-ta's, but they also have disgustingly broken spines so their butts and boobs stick out at impossible angles. And there's absolutely zero jiggle, so what's the point?
That's just the lightweight class girls, though. When you switch to middle weight or heavy weight, look what happens. Oh my god they got hit with the ugly stick! Why would you do this? Why make a handful of cute girls and then 2/3rds of the roster ugly A F? They look so terrible! This is a total bait and switch.
Also, do you think Taylor Swift is aware she's in this horrible no good crappy game? Because this artwork is definitely supposed to be Taylor Swift.
Speaking of the artwork ... it's actually pretty good looking. Almost certainly made with A.I., but if you want sweaty anime girls in workout clothes, this game has you covered as long as you only look at the loading screens and avoid the actual gameplay.
Even with extremely low expectations the gameplay is still extraordinarily disappointing. Every single button and analog stick movement is mapped to an attack, so you can't actually move around the ring to get closer to your opponent. It's the most frustrating thing ever. It's kinda, sorta a MMA game. You punch and kick and can do takedowns, but the controls are ridiculously unresponsive and awkward and the hits aren't satisfying whatsoever and the anime girls aren't even hot and I don't know what the point is.
The worst part of this garbage pile is that the menus are barely, barely functional. There is a character creator ... thing, that doesn't actually let you do anything. There are some other sub menus that if you go into them, you can't actually get out and have to reboot the game. Everything is slow and awkward and terrible. The game is just flat out broken.
It would never ever pass QA at a company that actually cared, but this is some cynical half-assed self-published Eurojank from some literal villain that lures you in with anime girls but just wants to rip you off. Fuck this publisher ... however you pronounce it. I'll put it on screen.
I knew it would be bad, but I didn't think it would be this horrible. Anime Girls - MMA Tournament is a gigantic waste of time and money that I hope no one else ever has to play. It's $8, but it isn't remotely worth even that much. Avoid at all costs, no matter how curious you might be. Avoid everything else the publisher makes, too.
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